Home Sweet Home

I write to you today, on day 2 of our Boston-new-life transition, from 'my' local coffee/home made ice-cream shop (brilliant combo in Jennifer's book of great life pairings), JP Licks (www.jplicks.com). I walked here, from our apartment. I am sipping iced coffee and anticipating my first day on the job. I am in heaven and it seems that we are officially home. This feels great. But these are not the reasons why I feel that we are home-sweet-home, no, you must read on.

As many of you know, I am a faller. Meaning, I fall down. Often. Unexpectedly. Up stairs, and down stairs. On rough roads, and on smooth roads. Where there is debris, and where there are miles and miles of nothing-ness. I will, I have, and I do, fall down. In fact I fall down so regularly that my old friends know not to give it a second thought when I stumble, tumble and get back up without dropping a beat in our riveting conversation. I also warn new friends of this tendency because invariably we will be walking (to get coffee, a greeting card, wine, whatever suits ones fancy) and I will stumble, tumble and fall down. In the past these sweet, naïve new friends, who have no idea that I am a faller, go out of their way to try to catch me or keep me from falling….which all too often ends in my taking them down with me. My warning to my new friends usually includes awareness building of my potential to fall (and I try to do this PRIOR to my first tumble, but sometimes during), and I also let them know that I am not embarrassed to fall down (that ended years ago when I would stumble while on a date, or on stage during a performance), so they shouldn’t be either. Can you see where this is going?
After returning home from a productive shopping trip (think cleaning supplies, window dressings and cat bed) I eagerly carried our bags into the house. I love this part of moving in…new sponges, shower curtains, dish racks and curtains! As I brought in the second trip of bags, daydreaming about the newly purchased roman shades in a gold and burgundy striped pattern, I tripped up the porch steps. With a wild swing of bag filled arms (without dropping a single sponge) and a giant lurch forward, it seemed I would catch myself. Whew. Then, a millisecond later, I realized I that my wild arm swinging and lurching had actually increased my propulsion toward the ground (force times mass…I hate physics). I hit the porch hard, and that handy, rough door mat was like sliding into home (pun intended) on a pad of steel-wool…on my knees. Well, knee to be precise (I always like things to be correct and precision is an essential element to correctness). My left knee took the brunt of the fall leaving me with a wound that looks like I shaved with a rusty, sharpened brillo pad. I am bruised in other places and have a weird scrape on my right bicep…in the fall I believe that I fell onto the boxed shower head. I guess this is the case only because the box is decimated (again force times mass) and was carried under my right arm.

So, I have fallen in my new city, and I think, this means we are home.

Post Script: note to the reader: Picture of injured knee is no where near as gross as the knee actually looks. For the first time ever I am relieved that my BlackBerry doesn't take super clear pics!

Day 5: Boston or BUST!

I will start this post by proudly announcing (insert trumpets) that we have just turned over 3,000 miles (more trumpeting)!!!! Neither Trina or I have ever driven that far in a single trip before. Whoohooo!!!

Today is our last day of travel. It has gone unbelievably fast and rarely (if ever actually) have either of us felt the urge to complain about the long hours 'trapped' in our tiny (and seemingly ever shrinking) prius. We have listened to books on tape, I have blogged (thank goodness I do not have motion sickness, sorry Verna), Trina has taken multiple consultation calls (and I might add, she is incredibly good at her job), Macy has wined, cried, jumped, bucked and slept, and Jasmine has ridden beautifully, stoically even, taking hour after hour in her large, plushly lined crate (what does this queen of sheba have to complain about anyway?). We have stayed in one scary motel and five 'regular' hotels (not scary, though Sarah, you may disagree as Trina has bemoaned a few of these stays), consumed innumerable cups of coffee, bottled water, and (I am ashamed to say) at least three large boxes of nilla wafers. Nilla Wafers. I knew that this trip would defined by some interesting experience or characteristic, but I had no idea that this would be, of all things, nilla wafers. Seriously?

Yesterday we passed through Pennsylvania, Ohio and many miles of NY state. First, the states out here are so small and close together. No wonder no one talks to anyone else...they all need space. Second, the landscape is beautiful. I know I'm beating a dead horse (okay, sorry, just an aside, we need a new euphemism for that saying...I think it's high time to stop beating horses, dead or alive...someone quick, think of a quippy), but really the landscape is remarkable. As we passed from Ohio to Pennsylvania we were struck by the nearly immediate shift from wide-open corn fields to beautiful and green trees and hills. This has continued and has become more dense as we have passed through New York. In fact, dare I say, that upstate New York is remarkably similar to the NW. If I squint my eyes, or simply look at the computer screen for a few hours and then look out the window, I can almost convince myself that we are on the road to Portland or Seattle. *Sigh*.

Speaking of the great NW, having lived for so many years in the great, green, safety of Eugene, Trina and I had become remarkably comfortable in our safety as a couple. What I mean is that in the NW (and most of the cities we vacation in, Las Vegas aside, but that's another post entirely) we can (and do) hold hands, stay in hotels, have domestic partner benefits, social support and are able to engage in the normally observed affection shared between a couple. In short, we are 'out'. In many of the areas we have passed through during this cross country adventure we have been keenly aware of our need to be cautious. I cannot exactly describe any single interaction or distinct characteristic that indicates that we should be careful, but we feel this difference. We avoid holding hands, we allow for the 'appropriate' distance between us when walking, we request two beds in our rooms. I know that we could be using this adventure as an opportunity to both a) extend our own comfort zones and b) to expose folks to the reality of our presence, but frankly, we have deliberately avoided risk. It's an interesting and tenuous balance and I know there are many of you reading this who are far more courageous than we have been on this trip. And I think too it is a noteworthy experience because it reminds me, us, that it is all too easy to take for granted the safety and protections that we have experienced. These protections are not 'special', rather they protect people from hate crime, they afford us the safety of separate but equal spousal recognition (think hospitals, taxes, health care/coverage, etc) (in Oregon, anyway) and the over arching acceptance (or even just tolerance) of the presence of same-sex couples. I think this means we are NOT done. Those of us who are committed allies in the resistance of hate, discrimination, must remember that our efforts can be extended (courageously) into regions beyond our own back yard. And while I am speaking in this moment about resisting the pejorative discrimination of the LGBT people in our nation, my intention extends to all discrimination and oppression of difference (weigh in here any time Dr. Self!). For the symptom of oppression, stemming from hate and fear of difference, against one group is never 'simply' against 'one group'. By design it extends to others who either choose to fall out of the 'main stream' or who cannot enter this stream by virtue of who they are born to be. And who are we to determine and set any one 'standard' for others? But I digress.

My brief slip into the academic, corner, no, conference room, of my mind has been (lucky for you) interrupted by a quick kitty-poo stop. Don't ask. It was gross and it's done.

Our next post to you will be from the comfort of our unfurnished, quaint, hardwood floors of our Boston apartment.

Day 3-4: Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, and hopefully O-hiii-o

After more than 2100 miles (21483 to be precise), would you believe that Trina just uttered the following statement?

"I'm having so much fun. I kinda don't want to get there."

Seriously, this is how much fun we are having! How lucky are WE? VERY LUCKY!. Now, I have to say, as much as I love observing the great countryside of our incredible nation, with my three favorite beings within arms reach, I cannot wait to arrive and start our new life in Boston. However, I have great and sincere appreciation for Trina's tribute to living in the moment!

Just to get you up to speed, last night we stayed in Omaha, NE and wouldn't you know it...the NCAA College Baseball World Championships were happening across the 'street' (read: multiple freeway interchange). I have NEVER before in my life seen so many beer loving, baseball adoring men wearing baseball hats gathering in any single location before....they all seemed to be staying at our 'pet friendly' hotel. Did they all bring their kitties to the big game? Did the stadium give coupons for our hotel? If so the stadium purveyors should also distributed tubes of sunscreen for these men, who sadly, seemed to have forgotten that their hats did not cover their, now, red ears and necks.

After settling into our hotel and locating salads and sandwiches for dinner we took Macy for a little walk and saw our first fire-flies. I think that these little sparks are part remarkable biological phenomena and part magic. No matter how tired, how irritable, or how hot and humid, seeing a fire fly always fills me with awe. Will there be fire flies in Boston? Pleeeease say yes!

Trina, quite on the other hand, has been filled with awe by the fields of windmills that occasionally dot the green, mid-west fields. Of course windmills have a long and productive history in the US (and elsewhere I am sure). But these historic windmills are not those that have inspired Trina to begin conceiving of a career in engineering. She has been inspired by the modern windmills of today charged with generating alternative energy for our great (and very wide) nation. I have read mixed material about these windmills and Trina's enthusiasm for these looming and impressive feats of engineering has inspired me to learn more. Perhaps they will make an appearance in a future blog post. More pictures, taken by Trina and I, very soon.

I have been most impressed by the terrain in two states (no Grandma, not Nebraska!). Wyoming was breath taking with it's wide open ranges, expansive plateaus, powerful and gusting winds and ruggedness. I took multiple (read 100's) pictures of the land as I was repeatedly impressed by the mixed and changing textures of the land (impressively boring slide show to come!). I'll post these soon (I bet you can't wait!). I have also been impressed by the lush, green beauty of Iowa. Iowa, home of the Iowa City Hawkeyes (isn't that right Meg?). Yes, there were miles of corn fields, but there was also so many trees, beautiful, rolling hills and quaint silo's and red barns nestled between rolling hills of lush foliage. I loved Iowa.

I will say that I am eating my words (again). The midwest is very much NOT flat as I have been told and have repeated without reliability. Rather, there are many, and in some places relentless, rolling hills that make me think fondly (and with some cellular memory of agony) of Madison, WI and one fabulous and challenging ride I took during my Ironman effort. As we move across the country neither of us can resist noting the cycle-ability of the road, temperature, wind (much gusting wind), rolling hills and occasional flats. I have long, and until recently, secretly harbored a desire to cycle across the US (a confession that I imagine is inspiring eye-rolls from several of you reading now).

Today we hope to end our day in Holiday City, Ohio. At this rate we expect to arrive (though too soon in Trina's estimation) in Boston mid-day on Tuesday. So, guests can begin arriving Wednesday.

Day 2: 10 hours, more than 1000 miles (total) and three bags of hot tamales

Today we got of to a terrific start, right on time, and with a large coffee! It was wonderful! Then, about 2 hours into the drive, at about mile post 232 in Idaho outside of Twin Falls, we came to a dead stop. There has a horrendous, multiple car pile up that kept us at a complete stop for more than an hour. Making the best of the situation I did yoga poses and enjoyed the opportunity to soak up the sun and warmth on the interstate. Trina, on the other hand, worked in the car. The ONLY very bad part of this experience was that we had opted to skip the rest stop 15 minutes earlier. Did I mention that we stopped for coffee an hour prior? I have to tell you, it got a little dicey and I was seriously cruising a large, full, sage-brush bush along the road. Thankfully, I never had to bare my behind on the interstate....but as I said...it was dicey.

While we had hoped to land in Cheyenne, WY tonight, our long 'break' earlier this morning set us back. After 10-hours of driving we decided to call it a day. I am DELIGHTED to be eating my words. Ms Jasmine (feral kitty #1) has been an absolute princess (and not the sort of princess that demands couture and sparking water). She is consistently well mannered, quiet and incredibly purrrfect hour after hour. Macy, I am very happy to report, bless her heart, redeemed herself today. She was actually able to get into her bed and sleep episodically for several of the 10 driving hours. I am feeling really lucky to have such wonderful little beasts. Of course, given how well they are doing it is abundantly clear to me that I a) under estimated their ability to be well behaved travelers and b) we could have flown. Ugh. But the bright side is that we never would've seen the endless 'beauty', rolling range and the odd snow fences of Wyoming without our pet misjudgments. Oh thank goodness for silver linings.

Thank goodness also for hot tamales! We stopped in a fit of fatigue at a random gas station in the middle of, well, no where, and filled up on (god help us) mountain dew and hot tamales. It got us through and pepped us up, despite the holes I am convinced this combination chewed in our teeth and stomach linings. Alas, it turns out that we should have trained for this event. It is more like an Ironman than I ever would have imagined...of course an Ironman sans the swimming, biking and running and avec sitting, eating and looking. I need to sleep.

Day 1: McJabney's Cross Country Adventure

We pulled into Boise tonight around 8 pm. It was a comfortable drive, aside from the anxiety crazed mini-beast who tormented us with her wild wining, jumping, crying, panting and generally wild behavior. Alas, we made it unscathed.

At 9:30 a.m. we pulled away from our wonderful little condo (only 90 minutes behind schedule). We over estimated the cubic square footage available in the prius (neither of us are engineers), and we had to make two 'emergency' runs to goodwill to lighten our load. It was very funny in retrospect. At the time, not at all hilarious. Again, despite all of our planning, strategy and firm expectations things just unfolded as they were intended. I lost my 'patience and trust' mantra temporarily but quickly regained my centered footing. After all, what's 90 minutes in a 3000 mile trip? Hardly even a drop in the bucket.

Day 1 was full of surprises. The drive was far easier than anticipated and it was fun to see the full spectrum of beauty that Oregon offers. The high desert was delightfully green (imagine fresh, green sage, green trees and tufts of green grass), undoubtedly the result of an unusually wet spring. We went through two very interesting thunder storms sans lightening....meaning they were short bursts of rain I guess. The kitty did AWESOME and earned herself the gold star of the day today. Macy, quite on the other hand, did not earn a star or enough points to buy a star if able. Despite repeated dosing of the (usually effective) calming/anti anxiety herbal remedy she persisted in heavy panting, moaning, crying, wining, and jumping about the cabin. Quite frankly she is lucky that she made it our little motel 6 in one piece tonight.
She's also lucky to be so cute most of the time. Otherwise she may have ended up as a mock-jaguar hood ornament around 9:45 a.m. today.

Tomorrow we will update you from Cheyenne....Wyoming's capital city. Did you know that Wyoming is the least populated US state? What a claim to fame. Not a state that sounds at all like my dreamed-of urban oasis. I hope I make it out alive.

Farewell Eugene, Oregon

Today, one of the loveliest days yet in Eugene this spring, is our final day in the great, green, duck-phile, fabulous NW. We each arrived in Eugene more than 12 years ago, at very different places in our lives, and without any knowledge of the other (despite nearly moving into the SAME apartment complex in 1998!). Today, as we make our final preparations to drive off into the wild blue yonder, very much together, we believe ourselves to be finer, happier, transformed versions of our formal selves. We leave Eugene thankful for the countless lessons received, grateful for the abundance, opportunities and blessings. And, as we look around at our empty home and our packed bags we are eager to begin our next journey, together.

We received several pictures of our new little apartment in Boston today. The remodel has proved a great success and we are over-joyed knowing that our destination is such a lovely space. What are your thoughts?




Already we are thinking of where our favorite items will be showcased (large red plate on mantel, bookcase or hutch? Colored plates in hutch or pantry? ). We are also delighted to know that our space is cozy and completely comfortable for guests. So get those tickets and make your reservations for a visit to the McJabney Inn where the coffee is hot, the wine flows in dark rich rivers of Merlot and we will always welcome you with open arms.

Posts from the road are soon to come. First stop, Twin Falls, ID. Okay, this will be nowhere near our ‘first’ stop….after all; Macy and I will be in the car. I bet you can’t guess a) how many stops we make before arriving in Twin Falls, or b) where we actually make that ‘first’ stop (Springfield is not out of the question, nor is that Starbucks driving out of Eugene). But it will be our first night stop.

Currently accepting suggestions for witty, snappy and catchy names for our cross country trip. Make suggestions and see what we choose.

The Movers are Coming! The Movers are Coming!

The movers are coming! The movers are coming! Do pray tell how it’s possible that with the degree of preparation (hours of writing, talking and doing), advanced warning (we are talking months here people, I wrote the grant LAST October!), and planning (ie, home inventories, garage sales, room by room packing, the reading of countless ‘moving’ blogs), we were still up past 1:00 a.m. preparing for the movers? I haven’t stayed up past 10:00 p.m. (sober, that is) since….well, since, ever. If there’s not a bottle of wine, a pitcher of mojitos or a dance floor in the immediate vicinity, I see no need to be up past 10:00 p.m.
As you know, we pride ourselves on our organizational skills, our planning prowess. In fact sometimes, we’re more than a little self righteous about said skills. Have you read my early posts on full home inventories, and early planning? Posts that started MONTHS ago? Sheesh. If, however, you’d popped your head in last night it would have appeared, to the untrained eye, that on a whim, we had decided to move cross country last night without any advanced thought. Now, as you know, not only does this fly in the face of our personalities (am I right?), but again, with the planning. Alas, we made it. We have seemingly succeeded in packing, preparing and putting in order our entire life. Well, ‘order’ might be an overstatement. Everything that is going on the truck today is in a box. ‘Nuff said.
We have loved, and continue to love, this little condo from the bottom of our cardio-trained hearts. It has been a source of comfort, joy, safety and, somehow, protection from the raging storms of graduate school as well as life’s little expected and unexpected bumps and hiccups. We have grown as individuals within these walls, each becoming more authentically ourselves, and our commitment to one another has flourished and become stronger beneath this roof. Somehow, even though we are moving away from the condo, I am comforted knowing that these walls are still ‘ours’.

Graduation, Commencement, Parties, Hooding, OH MY

The great journey of graduate school culminated in two ceremonies on June 11 and 12th. On the 11th my department hosted a 'departmental hooding' where faculty 'hooded' their students and read a little bio about our accomplishments and directions. It was a lovely event and was a terrific opportunity to wear my 'doctor suit' (aka PhD Regalia). It was really wonderful to hear about the accomplishments of my colleagues and about their future plans. It was a really nice opportunity to thank my faculty for the important and significant contributions that they made to my experience.

The second ceremony was all pomp and circumstance as they lined up every single graduating student (BS, BA, MS, MA, MEd, MAIS, PhD, DED etc) throughout the campus. PhD students were lined up in the library quad and started the march through campus. We followed the marching bag pipes and the color guard. The remarkable sound of the bagpipes took my breath away. We walked through campus, waved at our former students all lined up throughout campus waiting for their turn to march, soaked up the last sun streaked stroll we would have at OSU before our big, bright lives take us to our new and exciting destinations. The significance of the experience was not lost on me!

The actual graduation ceremony was delightful as they allowed PhD students 1) to walk across the stage to receive our diplomas, and 2) were able to leave just after receiving our diplomas! And, as if this wasn't enough they splashed our pictures on the jumbo-tron....just like the football players!

Trina and I, accompanied by the most loving group of family and friends, spent the remainder of the day kicking up our heels and celebrating. We shared in the best sangria (ever made I think), and snacked on tiny sandwiches and tasty nibblies. The day overflowed with love, laughter and a joy that I will cherish always. It was the absolutely best way to celebrate the completion of a goal, and the beginning of new adventures and journeys.

The week since the big commencement has been emotional. Goodbyes are hard but I have been struck by a realization. The degree of my sorrow is unmatched by the amount I am loved and the amount I love. My tears are not a reflection of sadness, depression or fear. Rather these are the tears that naturally result from shift and transformation. As relationships change there is a natural occurrence of grief for what was....but I have enormous hope that this change will evolve into deeper friendships, longer lasting relationships and an extension of the love that I have for all of you.

We will begin our cross country trip very soon. What I have learned so far in this entire (and lengthy) process is that nothing will go perfectly according to our plan. AND, that when we stay in the moment, practice patience and trust, we are entirely prepared to handle whatever unfolds. Here's to the adventure!

A degree from Hogwarts?

One week from today I will be 'hooded' at commencement (first in a department ceremony and again at the larger University commencement). This involves a ceremony where our advisers place our PhD 'hood' over our head as we are awarded our degrees. As you know this has been a long time coming, graduate education is a wild and difficult journey.

Much to my delight when we arrived home from our trip to Boston my 'regalia' had arrived by post. Before even unpacking my luggage I tore into the box and dressed myself head to toe in this costume.

Check out the history of the academic regalia at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academic_dress

Regarding PhD graduates:

"Doctoral robes are typically black, although some schools use robes in the school's colors. The Code calls for the outside shell of the hood (see, below) to remain black in that case, however. In general, doctoral gowns are similar to the gowns worn by bachelor's graduates, with the addition of three velvet bands on the sleeves and velvet facing running down the front of the gown. The Code calls for the gown trim to be either black or the color designated for the field of study in which the doctorate was earned (see Inter-Collegiate colors, below). However, it should be noted that in the case of the degree of Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.), although it is awarded for study in any number of fields, the dark blue velvet of philosophy is always used regardless of the particular field studied. For example, if not choosing black trim, a Ph.D. in theology would wear velvet gown trim in dark blue, while a Doctor of Theology (Th.D.) would wear scarlet trim, if not choosing black. The robes have full sleeves, instead of the bell sleeves of the bachelor's gown. Some gowns expose a necktie or cravat when closed, while others take an almost cape-like form. It is designed to be worn open or closed in the front."

To get a good visual of what these 'costumes' look like think Hogwarts and Harry Potter. In fact, after I eagerly dressed myself in my special new outfit and ran out to show Trina, her first reaction was, "where is your wand? did you get your degree from Hogwars [school of wizadry]?" This is, without doubt, the fluffiest, puffiest outfit, er, costume, I have ever owned. I'm all about ritual and a dash of pomp and circumstance, but even I think this is a bit over the top. What do you think?

I honestly love this costume as it represents my journey, and because it was a gift from my Mom and John, making this an even more special experience. But I do acknowledge that there is a lot of hoopla goin' on in this outfit!! Here you can see the 'hood' draping down my back...sort of cool. But that hat, oh my that hat. I love, love love it! More to come next week after commencement and the associated celebrations....pictures galore I promise!